BEFORE you transition

There's a lot of "stuff" involved in moving toward "transitioning" - a lot of "science" and people telling you "transitioning" is the thing that's going to make you who you really are, and the thing that will take away the struggles you have within yourself, and in the world around you, as a masculine-gendered, female-bodied person.

What that info and those people are not telling you is that there is no real proof that any of what they say is true. What you won't hear from them is how "transitioning" people's minds, bodies, and lives are damaged - sometimes beyond any ability to heal - by the modern "therapies", hormones (and other drugs), and surgical alterations part of current psychiatric, psychological, medical, and academic "standards of care".

And that sucks - sucks beyond belief! Because "transitioning" isn't something you can just "take off" or "sell back" when it doesn't work out later.
  • When other females have breasts, and you have scars, you don't get your breasts back. 
  • When other females have their natural voices, you don't get rid of the gravel sitting in your throat that makes you sound like a female long-time smoker. 
  • When other females complain about a few "hag hairs" on their chins near menopause, you get to work at covering or living with a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow.
In fact, you get to spend the rest of your life looking and living like a female with a severe case of untreated polycystic ovary syndrome.  Because, in fact, that's what women who take testosterone beyond the levels normal for a female body have allowed their doctors to give them (and that's called iatrogenesis, or "doctor induced illness")

Some will tell you that just having a hysterectomy will "cure" any problems with that - but not true! Everything in your body is connected to everything else. Just because you get rid of your uterus and ovaries does not mean you eliminate the rest of your body's expectations to run according to normal (by its definition) hormone levels. For example, your insulin levels, thyroid hormone levels, and cortisol levels are all affected by your estrogen / testosterone / progesterone and other hormone levels (many of which aren't even known to science yet).

Screwing with one of them messes up all of them.That's one of the reasons people who've messed up their sex hormones for a length of time (male-bodied people overloading estrogen, female-bodied people overloading testosterone) end up with weird cancers in 10-20 years, or end up diabetic, or end up with heart disease, or end up with organ failure, and so on. 

And, of course, if later you decide to try healing your body from the hormone-drugs and surgeries of transition, after a hysterectomy you aren't going to have a way to naturally produce not only the estrogens your body needs to be healthy, but also the progesterone and testosterone levels that are natural and healthy for you, either! You'll spend the rest of your life either sucking down fake hormones from the medical system that screwed you up to begin with, or trying to get by with other alternatives (herbs, etc) - none of which are going to ever be what your body really needs (partly because no human being can ever calculate the exact levels your body needs -- and would have naturally manufactured itself, if it was still able to -- each and every day, to feel good and be healthy).

There's also the problems with the overload of testosterone, itself. Taking too much testosterone creates a "high" (in male- and female-bodied people) in a way that too much estrogen or progesterone does not. That's just its chemistry. Unfortunately, that means that many who take too much testosterone will assume that great "high" feeling means it's the right thing for them to do!

But think about that. Drinking too much alcohol also makes most people feel great - but that doesn't mean its the right thing to do. In fact, drinking too much alcohol causes damage to the brain and organs - damage that will not only eventually trash one's daily ability to feel good, but will also shorten one's life.

And the same thing happens to female-bodied people who continue taking in too much testosterone: 
  • feel great highs, 
  • live with more and more internal damage, and then 
  • die twisted and early because of that damage.
But there are many other problems with overloading on testosterone -- and male-bodied people have the exact same issues, when they do it.What are those issues? Well, they include:
  • Rages, aggression, depression, and other psychiatric issues
  • High blood pressure, blood clots, and strokes
  • Heart attacks, heart disease, high cholesterol
  • Liver and other organ damage
  • Cancers and other weird tumors
All of which may or may not disappear or resolve themselves once someone stops overloading on testosterone. It all depends on the amount of and kind of damage the imbalance caused. 

Of course, those who push for "transition" despite all the damage it does to people will tell you all the above are only "elevated risks" that can be "managed". But they have no real science to back that up. None of them do the real, unbiased studies that would demonstrate any of this is truly "safe". They just "go with" what's considered "normal" for current ideas in medicine. They have to - because if they don't go along with the majority of doctors and therapists (go along with what they call "standards of care"), even when they know the majority is wrong, they can get sued, be cut off from money-making, or even lose their licenses.

And, in truth, most of the people working in medicine and psychotherapy actually believe they are doing the best that can be done in pushing for and supporting "transition". But fundamentalist Christians believe they are doing the best that can be done, too -- and the huge damage they cause through their disrespect for the commandments of their own religion (as evidenced by how little they actually do what its founder [PDF] said to do!) is all over the place.

As the old saying goes, "the proof is in the pudding". Meaning, you can't judge whether something is good based on what people say about it -- you have to test it and see if it actually works.

So far, absolutely none of the people chemically or surgically or psychologically altering people to "transition" are able to prove that even most of the people who do so end up happier and healthier. Instead, they offer only personal stories, guesses based on what they've decided to see within their own practice, and other junk science. Only the "success" stories ("success" defined as enjoying the high of testosterone overload, and/or being able to appear to be a man - something even some normal female-bodied people can do) are shared - and those are shouted from the rooftops.

But the stories about people who did everything they were "supposed" to do in transition but still remained depressed, alienated, suicidal, alcohol and/or drug-abusing, and so on are rarely brought to light. 

People whose daily lives were ruined by their surgical and chemical "treatment" are swept under the rug. 

And the fact that people who "transition" become even bigger "freaks" to the rest of the world than they ever were before (and who therefore find it even harder to get/keep a job, apartment, friends, and so on) is brushed aside as "oppression" that will be dealt with in the political arena "soon". 

"Transition" is an incredible step into a junk-science, psychiatry-invented journey that promises the end to all sorts of shame and self-hatred and self-harm -- but which actually delivers more shame, more self-hatred, more self-harm along with more cancer, more organ failure, more alienation, and so on.

Before you "transition", take a long hard look at ALL your options.
  • Don't just hang out with people who've "fixed" their gender alienation problems by allowing themselves to be harmed by the psychiatric, medical, and psychotherapy industries. There are a lot of butch lesbians out there who have learned to deal with what our society currently deals out to gender minorities, but while living their natural lives, as nature created them -- but they are rarely hanging out in "trans" spaces, and they may only even call themselves "butch" among friends (and not online or in public), in order to not be confused with those few who do decide to self-harm through "transition". 
  • When you do hang out with people who have "transitioned", pay real attention to what their lives are really like (and not just what they say they are like). Have they done better for themselves? Do they get the respect from the world they thought they would? Are they truly the same as male-bodied men? Are they really free to be "themselves" now, by chemically and surgically altering their brains and bodies? Where do you imagine they will be 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 30 years from now? Is that truly where you want to be? 
  • Because most of the "herd" still clings to the belief in "transition", (if you need them) you may have to search more for therapists and doctors who will help you truly heal into your natural, normal, masculine-female self without pushing or even suggesting you go through chemical and surgical alterations of your brain and body. It may be worth your life to find them, though.
There's nothing wrong with you as a masculine-female. Nature has been making people like you since it was making people, and there's nothing you need to drug or cut to make you more "real" or get rid of the shame and self-hate our current society has taught you to feel.  

You can be exactly who you are, and live the way you want to live, without having to hurt yourself or let others hurt you. 

You can learn to respect, appreciate, and even love yourself -- just like you naturally are.