Start reading "The dirt from Dirt", a blog maintained often by a butch lesbian who tells the truth about things "trans".
Start hanging out with other masculine-gender lesbians who are cool with their women's bodies, and let the cool rub off on you.
Stop getting your ideas about what would make you happy from psychiatrists, psychologists, and gender academics, because no past or modern theories of gender have any REAL science behind them.
Start checking out the history of butch or masculine-gendered women. We've always been around - find yourself in history!
Start getting off the other psych drugs in your life - the antidepressants and so on. They are proven to mess with your mind more than they ever fix, and they make you more vulnerable to other psychiatric disorders (like bipolar) in the future.Just remember that psych drugs are like street drugs -- get help getting off them, so you don't freak. And also remember, that just like if you freak going off heroin it doesn't mean you needs heroin, if you freak going off antidepressants it doesn't mean you need antidepressants. Instead, it means you've gone off them too fast. Get some help! And check out some of Peter Breggin's books, like Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications
Start a plan to move to a place that's more welcoming to butch lesbians, if you live in a hate-hole.
Stop obsessing on yourself and what you've been taught to see as your "problem". Instead, start having more fun in your life. Have great sex. Play at the beach. Eat good (healthy) food. Play a (nondestructive) practical joke on someone who will find it funny. And more.
Start reading about the true history of psychiatry, and then decide if it should be deciding how you should define and "fix" yourself. This is one good book to start with: Mad in America: Bad Science, Bad Medicine, and the Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill.
More ideas to come (email me yours)
